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Rules for Women Meeting Blind Dates

1) Make sure you meet in a public place, preferably one that has a bathroom with a large window to climb out of.

2) The first chance you get, accidentally drop your can of mace from your purse so he can see it. Then, pick it up and shake it while saying, “Hmm, Not much left”

3) Do NOT make steady fixed eye contact staring deeply at him as if locked into his brain.

4) Keep an eye on your purse or bag at all times, even if it means avoiding all eye contact whatsoever. He doesn’t care. He’s looking at your breasts, legs, butt, hem length, inseam, and mouth diameter.

5) Remember the unconscious signals that tell men you’re ready to have sex: Licking your lips, playing with your hair, tugging your ear, crossing your legs, uncrossing your legs, folding your arms, unfolding your arms, smiling, frowning, crying, screaming, eating, breathing, hitting him with your fists, and just showing up.

6) Do not, under any circumstances, order more than one drink with a man who is sweating from his forehead.

7) Never give your number out to anyone other than a guy who draws cat cartoons.