Doctor’s Consultation

(Overheard almost verbatim in a doctor’s exam room next door.)

Doctor Spencer: So, you have two children now?

Patient Montana: No, Doctor. I have four.

Doctor: You just told me you had two children.

Patient: Those were just the ones living with me.

Doctor: I see. So, let’s start again. How old are your children?

Patient: One is 4. One is 16. Another is 1 yr old, and another is 8. Oh, and another one is on the way.

Doctor: So, you have five children?

Patient: Yeah! I guess if you count the one coming up.

Doctor: Okaay. So, now you’ve decided you want a vasectomy. How old are you, Mr Montana?

Patient: Twenty six.

Long Pause. Silence. (My balls are really hurting now.)

Doctor: Do you understand how serious a decision this is?

Patient: Yeah, well, you know things are getting kind of out of hand. I got too many kids happening. 

Doctor: You mean, the pregnancies weren’t planned? 

Patient: Well, you know. They kinda were. Some of them were. I mean. You know the way I was brought up. We don’t use no condoms. We feel good. Something good happens. We celebrate. We have a beer. We get our woman. You know? I played some basketball. Watch a game. I feel good. We have some fun. Then, Wham! She get pregnant. What I’m gonna do? I don’t do abortions. She want the kid. So this has to stop now. You know what I’m talking about Doc?

Doctor: You are still very young. I would prefer counseling you on using a condom instead of getting a vasectomy.

Patient: Yeah, well, you know. I think this has to stop now. What about changing it back if I change my mind later, doc?

Doctor: It is possible. Not guaranteed, and, very expensive. And, it is not covered by insurance. It can cost ten thousand dollars. This is not a decision you want to consider reversing in the future. Are you sure you want to go through with this?

Patient: Doc, I don’t really have a problem or anything, but, just between you and me, can you get some of that Viagra?

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